This week, we will be celebrating one of my favorite holidays. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays because of its rich history and timeless significance. It has a great story of a struggle to survive that captivates our imaginations, it teaches us the beginnings of our great country and helps us appreciate how far we have come since then. Not only is Thanksgiving historically interesting, but also a current practice en vogue for mental health. I hang out at Barnes and Noble a lot and often see books and magazines encouraging readers to exercise thankfulness because of the mental health benefits that it affords. So, Thanksgiving spans history and finds itself still compelling to us in the current age. It also is celebrated with special friends and family and a giant tasty meal--what's not to like about that?
But for a follower of Christ, there is even more to Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving for a follower of Christ is not just a holiday, it is to be a habit. And really, not just a habit, but a way of life. If you look up the word "thanks" and all of its roots in a Bible concordance, you can see just how often it comes up. I won't list all the verses I saw that contain the word, "thanks," but just know that there are a lot of them. I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says,"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will God in Christ Jesus for you." Giving thanks to God is a big piece of following Him.
And so, of course with Thanksgiving coming up this week, my pastor spoke about Thanksgiving today in his sermon. I was enjoying the things he said and agreeing with it all, until he hit the part about being thankful for the things that we don't like in our lives--the bad things that happen in our lives.
I have been following Christ for a long time and have heard often about "giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ...." (Ephesians 5:20) It is not a new thought to me, and I am really good at it most of the time--at least with all the good things that I like in my life. One year, I decided to list everything I could imagine that I was thankful for and I came up with over a thousand before I lost interest in it and quit. It is easy to be thankful for the good things and really perks up my mood.
But what about being thankful for the hard things that happen in our lives? I just don't even like to think about that. I'm sure that I am not alone. And maybe we just can't sometimes for awhile. Well, that is my story today.
We are coming up on the 1 year anniversary of Clark's accident. It actually happened on December 15th (Kelli's birthday). But the rainy, cold weather and darker evenings lately have been so like the night that he was hit that I find myself thinking a lot about the accident.
In my attempts to get some exercise, I have been walking in the evenings, and as I pass the crosswalk where it all took place, I find myself often in tears and horror as I think about what happened to Clark and what he went through. I feel angry, upset, and sad that he went through it, and I was not there to protect him. I watch the cars flying by, and I wonder what it must have been like for him to be on the front of one of them and what it looked like. What was going through his mind and was he in pain and deep fear during it? And I cry because I still can't believe it happened and that he survived. I know...it's morbid. Welcome to my world.
It has been kind of hard as I work through all those intense feelings. Plus, all the doctors' appointments, uncertainties of whether he would recover, changes in his mood, school lessons that he had to redo because he just couldn't use his brain as well, the limitations on his activities, and the fearful times when we saw him reacting strangely as his brain recovered (or was that just Clark being Clark?)...those were all things I really could have done without this year. But I know that God allowed all of it and was not surprised by any of it. Really? Really.
Why? I don't know for sure. BUT....
When my pastor mentioned being thankful for the hard things too, I thought of one thing that was hard and that I could be thankful for... but I was kind of cheating because I had already worked through that one years ago and it has become my token "this is the hard thing that I can be thankful for" experience. So, I wrote that down. And immediately after I finished writing that one, I thought of Clark's accident. No...not thankful for that. No, not ready to be thankful for that.
But then, as God worked in my heart, I began to realize some things that have come about since the accident that I am very deeply thankful for. And truly, through the experience of the accident, things happened that are really good...things that were really needed. And God knew them and knew what it would take to bring them about.
One thing is the change in my relationship with Clark. Before the accident, I had become pretty hard on Clark. Clark and I don't always see eye to eye. As a result, I had gotten into the habit of "pulling weeds," that is to say, I was often only seeing the things that needed changing in his character and not seeing the things that were good and positive in his character. But, when you almost lose your son, you instantaneously appreciate every little bit about him. And when you think he may never be able to think well or act well again, anything is better than him being destroyed. I was forced into a role of appreciating every little thing about him and being an encourager as well as I worked with him in his recovery. I realized how much he needed me to just love him and it was really easy to do so. It felt like a much needed do-over.
Also, all the time Clark and I spent going to doctors' appointments gave us time to talk and grow in our relationship. Getting one-on-one time with each of my kids is a constant challenge, but the need for doctor visits really forced Clark and I to have that time together and it rebuilt our relationship.
Another thing was how the accident drew us so much closer to people around us, especially our church. I am still in awe of how our church family came and just took care of us. I have one friend outside of my church who feels bad that she was not there more, but I really think that was providential because God used the situation to draw our church family together as they helped us through it with meals, childcare, and listening as we worked through it all. That all happened during a time when our church really needed to be drawn together closely.
Also, for my family, we were given the opportunity to have empathy for anyone who goes through an injury or trauma. I have a dear friend who has daughters who have to go to the hospital frequently for a medical condition. She and her husband were some of the first friends to meet us at the hospital. How did she know to do that? Because she has been there dozens of times herself and knows what is needed when that happens. Now, I will be able to help others too when they are in need because I know what it's like.
One more thing was that Clark had the opportunity to see how much people love him. So many people sent cards, phone calls, comments on the blog, and in-person visits--even at Harborview. I made a scrapbook of it all, and he has it to look at and remember how much people care for him. That is so priceless to a young person. Any time the insecurities of growing up hit him, he has a real reminder that he is loved.
These thoughts flooded my mind as I considered being thankful for Clark's accident. There is more, of course, but these are the ones I thought of today. I have to say that it has taken a year to feel thankful for anything other than his still being alive and his recovery. I certainly wanted to be thankful because I know that it is important to God that I be thankful for all things and I want to do what He says. But I didn't see it as something to be thankful for or feel thankful for it until today.
This week, Clark was released by Seattle Children's Hospital from further treatment and visits--that's a lot to be thankful for too!
I am thankful for lots and lots of good things this year and this bad thing too that happened. But I think once again, I am kind of cheating because as bad as the accident was, it still had a pretty happy ending to it. If I go a little further with my thoughts, I can end up wondering how thankful I will be someday when the ending is not so happy...but I think that is called worrying, and I am not going to let my mind go there!
You can see from my musings that I don't have it all figured out yet and probably never will this side of Heaven. For now, I am comfortable with what God allowed and what He did with it. And I am feeling thankful to Him for what He can do with not only the good things that happen in life, but also the bad things that happen in life.
