Good Morning

It is Sunday morning and I am waking up a second time this morning.  The first time was quite a bit earlier.  I had my window open during the night and heard a strange noise outside that woke me from a deep sleep.  Though it was very early in the morning, somewhere around 4:30am, it was light enough for me to see my cat hunched over something. 

So, I am sure that when I open my patio door to feed her this morning, I will find some rodent grotesquely, half-eaten sitting on my deck.  I hate that.  All cat lovers tell me this a high honor bestowed upon the owner of the cat.  But I don't think so because my cat doesn't even like me.  She really doesn't.  The only time she even notices me is when her food dish is empty.  I am not complaining or anything, really, I came to terms with that long ago.  I learned to get my loving elsewhere.  This baloney about her loving me and just sharing her dinner with me is not at all what is happening.  She puts half-eaten critters on my deck because she is trying to prove a point.  She is saying, "Look at what I have to eat because you people don't have the decency to feed me the canned food I deserve.  Here, here's what I have had to resort to...now, you clean it up!"

You can say it is her loving me, but it is not.  It is her selfish, true colors showing through.  If she loved me she would bring me something I enjoy, like a flower, or a mocha.  Just like I don't gift Ben with Jane Austen DVD's, she should not gift me with mouse guts.  Have I proven my point?  It is not love or honor, it is gross selfishness.

A little over a week ago, the boys thought it would be funny to take a picture of one of my cat's "gifts" with my phone.  It was a particularly brutal rodent murder--all that was left was the mouse's face with whiskers and bulging eyes.  I should have known something was going on when I entered the dining room.  They were all snickering expectantly when Clayton said, "Hey, Mom, you had a phone call...here's your phone!"   "Oh, thanks, Clayton.  Hmmm, I didn't hear it ring." 

As they handed me my phone, I noticed a different picture for the background, but I couldn't figure out what it was.  The boys enjoy putting new pictures on my phone because I haven't really figured out how to get them off, and it is a fun way to irritate me with their pictures of Lamborginis, banjos, odd faces with props and their favorite...someone misbehaving while I am not present.  So, I figured this was one more irritating picture stuck on my phone.  But I couldn't figure out what it was.  They were busting up laughing as I studied the subject...it looked strangely familiar, but, hmmmmm.  Finally, I realized what it was with a little scream, which of course, sent them into hysterics.

 "Ha, ha.  Now get it off my phone."  Usually, they tease me with a snotty, "No, we won't!"  But, I think this time they knew they had crossed the line of "appropriate mom-teasing" and promptly removed the picture.  And cleaned up the mouse murder scene.

I was planning to share a breakfast recipe with you...but, now I am not so hungry.  And you probably aren't either.  I think I will save it for the next blog.  Besides, it is getting late, we have church, and I need to get breakfast going. Oh, and I probably will need to clean up whatever was left for me on the deck. 

Until next time...

Comments

[Janine Campbell]

Sal, you are hilarious. I totally agree with you on cats. Dogs are much more adoring and giving. My question is, "Why doesn't Ben clean up whatever the cat brought up to the deck?" Or is it like my home. Buffer threw up on the carpet one morning and Tim was visiting and being a clean freak he was going to clean it up, so he asked Miah, "Where is the carpet cleaner?" and Miah answered, in all seriousness, " She's upstairs, she hasn't gotten up yet." Tim thought that was a little strange so then he asked Richard, " Richard, Buffer threw up, do you know where the carpet cleaner is?" and, I kid you not, he has the same thought process and said, " Oh she's still asleep, she'll clean it up when she wakes up!" This would be funny if it wasn't true. Sad, sad, sad boys. I've tried my best but they're still neanderthals. It is my cross to bear.

[Sally Hess]

Janine, I feel your pain. I admit that at first, I laughed hysterically at your pain, but then I got in touch with your feelings of being reduced to a mere bottle of carpet cleaner. And after I wiped the tears of laughter, I mean, pain, from my eyes, I decided to write this encouraging comment to you and let you know that it just shouldn't have happened. You are so much more than a bottle of carpet cleaner and I hope that both Miah and Richard bought you a lot of chocolate to make up for their awful thoughtlessness. And hopefully, Buffer didn't get into all the chocolate they gave you, or else you probably ended up being referred to as the carpet cleaner again. Thanks for your comments...they are always fun!

[Sally Hess]

Also, I had another thought on the matter of thoughtless gifts on the part of cats...notice that dogs have been known to bring their owners their slippers, the newspaper, and leashes. I know you are thinking that a leash might be considered a selfish gift given by a dog, but not really. Let me explain. Probably, the dog has noticed that the owner is looking a little overworked, stressed, or even out of shape and so, the thoughtful and loving thing to do at that point would be to suggest going for a walk. Has a cat ever been known to do anything like this? No, I think not.